Apology Not Accepted
When I was younger, I started creating personal rules for my life. Some people thought it was strange, but for me those rules were about protection — protecting my peace, my time, and my well-being.
Over the years, five rules have stayed with me. These are the ones I still live by today:
“1. Give people a second chance, but don’t give them unlimited chances to mess up your life.
2. Raise your children based on who they are — not based on who you are. Every child is different and deserves to be understood as an individual.
3. Apologize when you are wrong. But if you find yourself apologizing over and over for crossing the same line, stop apologizing and learn how to stop crossing the line.
4. Stop accepting repeated apologies for the same offense. If the behavior continues, the apology usually means the person doesn’t truly understand — or respect — why they are apologizing.
5. If it’s not your story to tell, don’t tell it.”
Rule number four is the one that most people struggle to understand.
And honestly, I understand why.
From a young age we are taught that apologizing is the right thing to do when we hurt someone. We are taught to make amends and try not to repeat the same mistake again. That lesson stuck with me. Because of that, when I apologize, I usually try to bring a solution with it.
To me, a real apology is not just the words.
It’s the willingness to change the behavior.
Having a solution — and the determination to follow through on it — carries much more weight than an apology by itself.
People hurt people. That has always been true.
Sometimes people find solutions to the problems they create. Sometimes they don’t.
But in a perfect world, the apology and the change would show up together.
And when they do, that’s when the apology actually means something.
