One Year Later: Christmas
This Christmas feels different.
Not because everything changed on the outside…
but because something changed in me.
This Time Last Year
Last year around this time…
there was pressure.
Not just to celebrate…
but to perform.
To make sure everything looked right.
Felt right.
Measured up.
And even if nobody said it out loud…
I felt it.
This Year Feels Lighter
Now, sitting here in December 2024…
I notice what’s not there anymore.
That pressure?
Gone.
And what replaced it?
Peace.
Christmas With Less
We don’t have as much this year.
Not in the way Christmas is usually measured.
Fewer gifts.
Less excess.
Less of the “extra.”
And I’ll admit…
at first, I was nervous.
I wondered if the kids would notice.
If they would feel like something was missing.
But They Don’t
And that’s what surprises me.
Because they don’t complain.
Not one of them.
No disappointment.
No comparisons.
No “this isn’t like before.”
Instead?
They’re smiling.
Laughing.
Enjoying the day like they always have.
And I’m sitting there realizing something in real time:
They were never focused on what I thought they were.
What I See Now
In my mind…
less meant lack.
But to them?
A gift is still a gift.
Love is still love.
And Christmas still feels like Christmas.
What I Learn From Them
My kids teach me something without even trying:
Sometimes we, as parents, overdo it.
We think more equals better.
More gifts.
More money.
More everything.
But that’s not what they carry with them.
They remember the feeling.
The time.
The togetherness.
The Shift In Meaning
Christmas used to feel like:
Spending money.
Now?
It feels like:
Spending time.
And that difference?
It’s everything.
The Peace I Feel Now
I feel at peace in a way I didn’t expect.
Not because everything is perfect…
but because I’m no longer chasing a version of Christmas that doesn’t actually matter.
What I Give Myself Permission To Do
I give myself permission to rebuild differently.
To appreciate what I once had…
without feeling like I have to recreate it the same way.
Because having less…
doesn’t mean I have less of what matters.
If Last Year Me Could See Me Now
Now let me be real.
If 2023 me saw this version of me?
Baby… she would cuss me out.
From where she was?
This would not make sense.
Less gifts?
Less spending?
After everything that happened?
She would look at this and think:
“What are you doing?”
But she was still hurting.
Still trying to hold everything together.
Still measuring things by what she thought mattered.
And me?
I understand now.
Final Thought
Nothing about this Christmas feels like a downgrade.
If anything…
it feels more real.
More peaceful.
More aligned.
And for the first time in a long time…
I’m not trying to create a moment.
I’m actually living in it.
