Relationships

In fairytales and romantic movies, somebody always finds their happily ever after.

And I’m not even going to lie—I bought into that.

When I first started dating, I had a whole checklist for my “Mr. Perfect.” Over six feet, nice build, funny, good personality… I had it all mapped out like I was placing an order.

But what I didn’t realize back then was this:

Happily ever after doesn’t start with another person.

It starts with you.

Now I know that might sound a little backwards at first.

But hear me out.

A lot of people are out here looking for someone to make them happy… without ever learning how to maintain their own happiness first.

And that’s where things start going left.

Because yes, you want love.

Yes, you want someone to pour into you.

Yes, you want your heart to feel full.

But what happens when your heart can’t hold what’s being given to you?

What happens when it’s still cracked… still wounded… still carrying things you never stopped to heal?

Instead of pausing to repair ourselves, we move on.

From one relationship to the next.

From one situation to another.

Hoping this next person will fix what the last one broke.

Without ever addressing what’s still broken inside of us.

And those buried feelings?

They don’t disappear.

They wait.

They show back up when the new person says something familiar.

Does something similar.

Moves in a way that reminds you of your past.

And now you’re standing in a present situation…

Responding with past pain.

That’s where the real problem begins.

Because now you’ve got two choices:

You can respond to what’s actually happening in front of you…

Or you can react based on what should’ve happened in your last relationship.

And let’s be honest for a second.

A lot of us are not responding.

We’re reacting.

Some people will say there’s nothing wrong with that.

And I get it.

But here’s the real question:

How did you show up in your last relationship?

Not just what they did to you—but how you responded.

Were you open?

Were you guarded?

Were you honest?

Or were you showing up masked, trying to be who you thought you needed to be to be loved?

Because if you haven’t taken the time to answer those questions…

You’re not just moving forward.

You’re carrying baggage.

So instead of leaving a trail of broken connections while searching for love…

Heal your heart first.

So when love shows up, you can actually receive it.

And if you need help with that?

Get it.

There is nothing wrong with talking to someone.

A therapist.

A counselor.

Somebody safe enough to hold space for the truth you’ve been avoiding.

Because that “stranger” can become someone who helps you understand yourself in ways you never have before.

And for those who have done the healing—or haven’t had their hearts broken like that—listen, I see you.

You did the work.

You protected your peace.

You’re ready for your version of happily ever after.

And that’s a beautiful place to be.

But let me say this too.

When you choose a partner…

Make sure they bring something into your life that you cannot give yourself.

I once heard a woman say she didn’t need a man to provide for her.

And my first thought was, “Then why do you have one?”

But I had to check myself real quick… because I’ve thought the same thing before.

And that’s when it hit me.

We’re not looking for someone because we’re incomplete in a broken way…

We’re looking for someone to complement us.

Because let’s be real.

If you are 100% complete on your own, baby… you might need to be studied.

Most of us are still growing.

Still healing.

Still becoming.

So if I’m 60% whole…

And my partner brings the 40% I don’t have yet—not to fix me, but to add to me—

That’s where something beautiful can happen.

But none of that works…

If you skip the healing.

So in a time where everybody is searching for love…

Don’t forget to search yourself.

Heal your heart.

Heal your mind.

And if you’re sitting at home right now?

Start dating yourself.

Yes—even if you’re already in a relationship.

Get back in alignment with who you are.

Fall back in love with yourself.

Reintroduce yourself to your own life.

Because happily ever after?

It doesn’t begin when you meet someone else.

It begins the moment you stop abandoning yourself.