When Loving You Is Wrong
So I was sitting here thinking to myself…
Is it wrong to love yourself?
And not just surface-level love…
I mean really love yourself.
Because if we’re being honest, a lot of people struggle with that.
A lot of people carry so much self-hate that it shows up in their everyday lives—how they speak, how they react, how they treat others… and especially how they treat themselves.
So I had to ask myself:
Where does that come from?
And when did loving yourself become something people feel guilty about?
After sitting with those questions, I came to a few conclusions.
First…
There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself.
Nothing.
But that kind of love should also flow outward.
You don’t pour into yourself just to become closed off to everyone else.
You pour into yourself so you can show up better—for you and for others.
Now when it comes to self-hate…
That’s a deeper conversation.
Because a lot of people who struggle with loving themselves didn’t just wake up one day and decide to feel that way.
That feeling was learned.
Some people grew up in environments where love wasn’t shown properly.
Some experienced abuse—mental, emotional, physical.
Some were bullied.
Some were neglected.
Some were hurt in ways they never fully processed.
And when those things happen early…
They can interrupt the way a person learns to love themselves.
So to anyone carrying that weight…
I see you.
You are loved.
And healing is possible.
Now let’s talk about something that might make people a little uncomfortable.
Giving credit to others for where we are in life.
Yes, people can hurt us.
Yes, people can create chaos in our lives.
Yes, family, relationships, and friendships can leave marks.
But at some point…
We have to look at the word allow.
Because while we can’t always control what happens to us…
We do have control over what we continue to carry.
If someone is no longer in your life…
If they’re gone, moved on, living their life…
Why are they still living in your mind rent-free?
Why are they still part of your daily conversations?
Your daily emotions?
Your daily identity?
That pain may have been real.
But holding onto it forever?
That becomes a choice.
And listen…
I’m going to say this with love:
Stop it.
You deserve more than a life built around something that happened years ago.
Now let’s get into this last part.
Being selfish.
Because somewhere along the way, we were taught that being selfish is a bad thing.
And yes…
There are people in this world who only care about themselves.
Who move through life with no regard for anyone else.
But that’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about healthy selfishness.
The kind that says:
“I matter too.”
“My needs are important.”
“My peace is necessary.”
Because the truth is…
You cannot pour into others if you are empty.
You cannot love people properly if you don’t love yourself first.
So no…
There is nothing wrong with choosing yourself.
Just don’t forget to carry others with love along the way.
At the end of the day, it’s really simple:
I love you.
And I love me too.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
So take care of yourself.
Protect your peace.
Laugh a little more.
Smile when you can.
Because yes, the world may feel heavy right now…
But it’s still moving forward.
And so are you.
Just remember to breathe.
Be grateful.
And don’t forget to find moments of joy in between it all.
