December 31, 2023
I made it to the end of this year.
And I don’t even know how to feel about that.
Because 2023…
was not a normal year.
This was the year everything changed.
Not slowly.
Not gently.
All at once.
This was the year I became homeless.
The year I had to figure out how to keep going with everything falling apart at the same time.
This was the year I lost things I can never get back.
People I can never get back.
Pieces of my life that meant something to me.
And I felt every bit of it.
There were days I couldn’t think straight.
Days I couldn’t eat.
Days I couldn’t sleep.
Days I didn’t even recognize myself.
But I kept going.
I didn’t always move fast.
I didn’t always move strong.
But I moved.
I found a home.
Not the final destination…
but a place to land.
A place to breathe… even if it’s just a little.
And even that came with pressure.
Because nothing about this year came easy.
I learned what it feels like to lose everything and still have to function.
To grieve and still make decisions.
To be tired and still show up.
I learned that people are not always who you think they are.
That love doesn’t always mean safety.
And that sometimes… things have to fall apart completely for you to finally see clearly.
I learned that I can’t keep giving myself away.
That boundaries are necessary.
And that “no” is a complete sentence.
I learned that survival doesn’t look pretty.
It doesn’t sound pretty.
And it definitely doesn’t feel good while you’re in it.
But I also learned something else.
I didn’t break.
Even when I felt like I was.
Even when I thought I was about to.
Even when everything around me said I should have.
I didn’t.
And I’m still here.
That might not sound like much to anyone else…
but it means everything to me.
Because this year tried me in ways I didn’t know were possible.
And now I’m standing at the end of it…
not celebrating…
not jumping for joy…
But standing.
And that’s enough right now.
I’m not making big promises for next year.
I’m not setting resolutions.
But I do feel something shifting.
I’ve been noticing patterns.
About myself.
About my life.
About how things unfold.
And I feel like all of this…
everything I went through this year…
is leading to something.
I don’t fully understand it yet.
But I feel it.
So I’m walking into 2024 with one thing:
Awareness.
Not perfection.
Not pressure.
Just awareness.
Because if 2023 taught me anything…
it’s that life will show you exactly what you need to see.
Whether you’re ready or not.
And now?
I’m paying attention.
That’s where I am.
