March 11 2023

Today is my son’s birthday.

He just turned 25.

And I’m sitting here picking with him, telling him:

“Happy quarter of a century old.”

Everybody thought it was funny…

except him.

But then it hit me.

This is his second birthday as a father.

And I paused for a second.

Because I realized…

I never told y’all something.

I’m a grandma.

I took a picture back when we were still in the house.

I’m going to put that picture here.

Because this moment?

It matters.

My grandson came into our lives on February 28, 2022.

And I remember that day like it just happened.

My son walked in and said:

“Ma, I got a surprise for you.”

He told me to turn around.

Then he told me to look.

He said, “I got a baby.”

And I looked at the baby.

Then I looked at him.

Then I looked back at the baby.

Then back at him again.

And then I just stared.

Because I was trying to process what I was looking at.

Like…

Wait a minute.

You got a WHAT?

I couldn’t even wrap my mind around it.

Because I’m sitting here thinking…

I was nursing while this baby was being conceived?

While this baby was developing?

Are you serious right now?

He explained everything.

And just like that…

Mr. Bubba stole my heart.

I love this little boy.

He is so precious.

The way he looks.

The way he moves.

The little things he does.

He keeps me smiling without even trying.

And I’m grateful.

I’m grateful that he’s here.

I’m grateful that he’s healthy.

I’m grateful that he’s happy.

But at the same time…

I’m sitting here feeling something else.

Guilt.

Because today, while I’m celebrating my son…

I realized something that didn’t sit right with me.

I didn’t even know how old my grandson was.

I don’t know why I thought he was about to turn one.

I don’t know where I got that from.

But I had it in my head.

And I was wrong.

And that bothered me.

Because how do I know my son’s birthday without thinking?

I gave birth to him.

That’s locked in.

But my grandson?

I had to stop and think.

And I didn’t have the answer right away.

And I don’t like that.

But then I had to check myself.

Because life right now?

Life is not slowing down.

At all.

There’s no breaks.

No pause.

No moment where I can just sit and breathe and take everything in.

Right now, I’m in survival mode.

I’m trying to figure everything out.

Every day.

Every step.

Every move.

And in the middle of all of that…

some things slipped.

Not because they don’t matter.

But because everything is happening all at once.

So now I’m sitting here realizing…

I need to get organized.

For real.

I need to sit down and put everybody’s birthdays in my calendar.

Everybody.

Because I don’t want to be in a position where I forget something important again.

That’s not who I am.

And that’s not what I want to do.

So this?

This is my reminder.

Not just about birthdays.

But about slowing down enough…

to keep track of what matters.

Even when life feels like it’s moving too fast.

And speaking of that…

This is also my reminder to myself:

I need to make sure I wish my nephew a happy birthday in a few days.

Because right now?

I’m not missing anything else.

That’s where I am today.